Imagine that you have a friend you can't trust. What's your attitude towards him? Probably you would be suspicious and it would be hard to ask him a favor. There would be some distance between you, and you would find it hard to make good friends with him.
Without self-trust you will treat yourself the same way. You will clip your wings, lack in self-confidence and have doubts about everything you do. You won’t be able to rely on yourself.
This inner doubt is like a virus infecting our minds. The virus that enables us to feel good with ourselves and constantly breaks our inner peace. To get even a little positive energy to proof our reliability, we have to fight with our internal critic. But still, even the biggest achievements won't make any lasting change. Self-doubt is a habitual, automatic train of thoughts that is hard to stop.
But there are some good news. You don't have to prove anything to yourself. If you want to free yourself from this inner virus, you have to build your internal relationship from scratch. As soon as you start to trust yourself, all parts of your personality would play for one team - your team. They will support and cheer each other on to achieve one main goal - your happiness.
It takes time to build lasting self-trust. You can find more on that topic in my incoming book "Insight. Path to mental maturity". I think that good relationship with yourself is a key factor to happiness and mental well-being.
Luckily, self-trust is not only full or gone. We can trust ourselves in one situation, but be full of doubts in another. We can partly trust ourselves taking some sort of credit of trust and it's a great way to make the first step.
Today I'm going to show you 3 simple ways of making this first step. Each of them will help you to look at yourself with new perspective.
1. Learn about psychology
I still can't figure out why psychology is not one of the school subjects. When we don't know how our mind works, we can't understand its mechanics and impulses. We are afraid of new and incomprehensible and this fear is a fast way to lose this self-trust.
The better you understand how human mind works, the more forgiving for yourself you'll become.
You'll know that your mistakes aren't a result of your stupidity (as you probably thought many times), but destructive habits or limited beliefs from the past. With greater knowledge about our brain, we realize that there are no coincidences inside our mind.
Every part of your personality works for the whole system, even if it's ineffective.
How to study psychology? You can go to the bookstore and find what you are most interested about. Remember to avoid buying too many guides how to change your life. Usually they don't have reliable psychological knowledge. But you also can find many great books, like these:
- "Emotional intelligence", Daniel Goleman
- "What do you say after you say hello?", Eric Berne
- "Body language", Allan Pease
- "The power of habit", Charles Duhigg
- "Motivation and personality", Abraham Maslow
- "Towards a psychology of being", Abraham Maslow
- "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking", Susan Cain
- "Evolutionary psychology: The new science of the mind", David M. Buss
YouTube also can provide you with some great knowledge – look for psychology channels. There are a lot of them, I'm sure you will find something for you.
2. Undermine the authorities
Famous people and the ones with PhD are not always right. Putting blind faith in authorities reduces you ability to think independently. Don't put yourself in a position where your beliefs are pushed by someone's "important" ones.
It doesn't mean that you have to decline all authorities. But don't treat them as infallible and on a higher level. When you'll stop internal war and start trusting yourself, you would know better than any guru or expert how to direct your life.
"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When you choose someone's way of living, you risk that this way would be totally wrong for you. It could be inadequate for your needs and desires. And it's the fastest way to destroy self trust. Forcing yourself to things that you feel are wrong can make you think that something is wrong with you.
In that case the main problem is not your lack of eagerness, but rather forcing the wrong path.
So, ask yourself this questions regularly:
- What's good for me?
- What I really think about it?
- What would I do?
- What do I need most now?
3. Look for answers in yourself
Before you say "I don't know" or "I need help", try to find solutions on your own. You know much more than you think. Sit in the silence, close your eyes and ask yourself right questions. Wait for the answer. Sooner or later it will appear – maybe as a word, symbol or picture. Look carefully, as that’s the clue for you.
When standing in front of a problem or challenge, don't think that you can't do it. Before you reach for help, try to solve it on your own. Try sitting with a piece of paper. Consider this:
- What can I do to find this solution?
- What has to happen so this problem can be solved?
- What would I do if I had to manage it on my own?
You can get a fresh new relationship with yourself by practicing that kind of questions regularly. It will help you find what you’ve always desired.
In my book "Insight. Path to mental maturity", I dedicated a whole chapter to question-thinking method. You can use this technique everywhere and completely change your thinking. Asking questions is like being a coach for yourself for the whole time.
You can lose a lot by treating these ways as fast and easy techniques to use and forget about. Treat them seriously and take some time for practice and reflections. Every step to self-trust will change you a little bit. When you'll make some more steps, your relation with yourself would be completely different. That’s what makes a good foundation for growing self-esteem and natural self-confidence.