Do you happen to be mad at someone because of the decision they made or the way they acted? I bet you do! Now think about it: what made you mad? I guess it was because you thought something like: “He/she shouldn’t have done that!”
So when you do not accept other people’s behaviour? Usually when you don’t understand them. You don’t understand what drives them and their actions seem senseless to you. Considering your knowledge of the situation you’re convinced that the person should do something totally different. And yet…
Now recall a situation in which, at first you did not accept a particular behavior or decision of another person, but after a conversation your feelings have completely changed. How did this happen?
Probably this person explained you the motives of their actions. She told you about how she felt and what was on her mind when she decided to behave like that. She showed you pieces of the puzzle which you were unaware of.
What has changed? You understood and thus have accepted. Comprehension leads to understanding and therefore to acceptance.
Self-acceptance works exactly the same way.
If you don’t know yourself, it’s hard for you to accept your own actions. Especially those which do not produce desired results. If you don’t understand why, once again your motivation disappeared, why strong emotions overpowered you, why is it hard for you to make new friends - it’s gonna be very easy to criticize yourself for those failures and build remorse.
This state of mind is extremely far from self-acceptance.
That’s why the art of self-acceptance is largely about getting to know yourself. To be understanding towards yourself, first you must realize why you think, feel, act and behave the way you do.
Interestingly, most people have completely no idea who they are. What are their desires, what’s on their minds. They’re unaware of those facts. What they know very well is… how they should be! And they focus on that. Great recipe for low self-esteem.
An insight into your thoughts and feelings is the key. Take up the challenge and try to understand your actions and decisions. You will be rewarded with the greater and deeper relationship… with yourself.